I am reading the book “The Eight Characters of Comedy: A Guide to Sitcom Acting and Writing” and I’m realizing that I am not “The Logical Smart One.” I may not even be “The Lovable Loser.” Oh, no…
I did our taxes this past week. The good news is we don’t owe the government TEN thousand dollars. Oh, thank goodness!
My daughter had to work on her Friend of the Week poster at the park, while my son played in the soccer finals and I tried not to photograph the moms playing around the playground. If a woman takes her kids to the park in heels and a tight blazer, I think that is entrapment and I think they should be stopped. I’m not saying we should go back to those horrible acid-washed “Mom-Overall-Shorts” of the 80′s and 90′s, but give me a break! Moms in the real word shouldn’t look like they’re on Desperate Housewives. Oh, wait. I don’t live in the real world.
There was traffic on the freeway, so I took a short cut. A short cut to a trap. Ugg. Would doing a u-turn kill me? You’d think.
I have rediscovered that I am more tolerable to be around when I am hyped up on diet soda. The truth hurts.
I have been anxiously shopping for birthday gifts for two girls I don’t know and for winter clothes for Hudson. Yes, winter clothes. One of the great things about living in Southern California is that if you drive in the right direction long enough, you will hit snow. So, Hudson will be in the snow for four days. Hundreds of dollars of snow clothes for four days. Yeesh.
The guy who cuts our lawn, Joe Moenblough, has been away, recuperating from a hip replacement. Part of me feels guilty for having a guy mow his lawn who would need a hip replacement, and part of my hope we pay him enough…
I have straightened out a couple of my drawers. Long overdue. It was like an archeological dig. I found some interesting artifacts.
I miss records. Albums and 45s. Especially albums. Because life is not a bunch of mp3s of your favorite songs, carefully crafted into a playlist of your greatest hits. Life is album sides. Some hits, some misses, some filler. But, without the misses and filler, there are no hits. There is only the endless search for the elusive perfect playlist.
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I almost bought Pulp Fiction on Blu-ray. Twice. Once when I had no money with me. Never quite worked that out.
I have been trying to watch Vimeo on my TV. Turns out there are several yoga videos on Vimeo, several of which are “naked yoga.” What? You know what, there is such a thing as “too much naked.” (The video of the amazing yoga girl is at Vimeo. She is clothed.)
Hugo and I have a new hobby: tormenting possums at 11:15pm. It’s like having a hunting dog, chasing jacalopes across the plains. Turns out, I can no longer throw…
I have the song Psycho Killer stuck in my head. I even sing some of it. Sorry.
My father had a heart arrhythmia. I don’t think it was actually arrhythmic. I think his heart kept perfect rhythm, it was just at 500 bpm.
I went down to my folks place to see how he was doing. On the way home, to avoid falling asleep on the freeway, I stopped to see the spot where I learned a powerful word…
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Yesterday my daughter was late to her Martin Luther King Jr. assembly because I’d killed the car. In the panic of seeing a possum in the driveway the size of a Rottweiler, I must have left the lights of the car on all night and drained the battery. Fan-stinking-tastic.
Turns out that someone made a copy of my Amex card and was buying $50 worth of gas everyday for the last five days before Christmas. Happy Holidays! Luckily, American Express jumped right on it. Sort of.
The hyper-realistic socio-political work of artist Maurizio Cattelan made me sick. Well, no, walking around and around the work of hyper-realistic socio-political work of artist Maurizio Cattelan made me sick. As we got higher and higher in the spiral of the Guggenheim, the hairy hand of vertigo gripped my face, attempting to pull me over the edge…
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Happy Holidays! Happy the-holidays-are-over! We just got back from being in New York for eight days or so, so Christmas is still scattered all over the house. If Santa is real, can’t he send an elf or two to help clean up afterwards? I went to a couple more agent workshops just before Christmas. Holy…
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I was offered a great new business opportunity. Apparently, I have been selected as an ideal candidate to be a State Farm Insurance rep. Wow. Now, what was the qualifying factor that qualified me for the wonderful opportunity? Was it having a mail box perhaps? I have taken up social drinking. Yes, after several decades…
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Hudson and I had lunch with Mark Jeffrey last weekend, author of MAX QUICK: THE POCKET AND THE PENDANT. Mark and Hudson had a great discussion about Sumerian mythology. I had a burger. Clearly, my son has surpassed me in too many ways for me to handle… I have been going to these special workshops…
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The difference between your job and my job is that, when you go to your job, they don’t look at your lips and scrutinize your lips and your ear hair and your baldness, and at my job they do. Well, actually, they do at your job too, they just don’t talk to you about it……
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Hudson has been doing a lot of video projects for school. Sure, he had to edit a project or two for his “News” elective, but he’s also been writing/directing/producing/etc. video for social studies, Spanish and…PE? Needless to say, he is burned out. And so is his tech support guy. To finish his PE video on…
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