#342: A.D.H…Nevermind


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3 thoughts on “#342: A.D.H…Nevermind

  1. Medication gave me a short time of getting up in the morning like “plink – awake” – never ever had that in my life. Sadly, like in the file time of awakening that only took 8 weeks and then it wore of. Since medication did only work a little for me but the side effects where too big, I stopped.(Also because those are considered hard core meds here and you have to jump through hoops to get them and have every step documented).

    There is tons of stupid stuff out there, but the one I found helped me the most was listening to Dr. Russel Barkley.


    Watch it. I cried uncontrollable when watching the kids thing for “this is how this is!!”.

    He has some other stuff online, sometimes it is a bit monotone and boring, he does repeat himself of course, his book is okay but not really that great for dealing with stuff but for background information.

    Biggest takeaway for me from him: I wanted medication because “Behavior Modification Therapy” implies “it is possible to change that”. My brain knew this was wrong and not possible.

    He strongly points out that this is a disability and should be treated as such. And says “BMT is like building a ramp for a person in a wheel chair and then 30 days after using it taking it away and saying »you had enough help, you should have changed by now!«

    If however you start looking at your life as “I need ramps. Tons of them. All over the place” things begin to change. Listen to him especially about the inhibition problem (I am there with you about the annoyances from the outside), anger issues coming from that and the part about the memory and the forgetting.

    If you start by “I am in a wheel chair” you do not even consider ‘I should be able to just walk up those stairs’. It is okay however to say “there is a ramp, we can build a better ramp, now how do we get you to use the ramp”. Also by accepting this you do not compare yourself to other people who can run up the stairs in a minute.

    Behavior Modification Therapy should be renamed to “find tactic that work and let’s apply them for the rest of our life”.

    It sounds as if you have some benefits from the meds by calming you down a bit. What you need now is rigid structure, habbits and triggers since “working memory” is a luxury you do not have and this will hinder you the most. Simple example from my daily life: I have replaced my closet with boxes which are labeled. Shirts for home go here, good shirts go there. I am looking at similar boxes from my desk. For the first time in my life I can tell you immediately where certain things are.

    And because I have not yet hung up a sign at the door saying “phone. money. water” I forgot my money for grocery shopping. I drink coffee from a senseo. I forget about 20% of the time to replace the pad. I am considering getting a trigger combination for that going. Kids chore systems also have some appeal. If you need to do certain things, it helps to have them written down somewhere and go through them to get them done. The stars are not so much the reward, but the point that things get done. Doing them over and over again and make notes also helps you figure out the time needed (see Russels notes on that too).

    Write down successes: Since we forget things right away, we also forget what went well. For normal people it sounds stupid to write down “managed to go shopping today, bring down the trash and open the mailbox”. Those _are_ successes.

    Starting is a success. Not “I did not do this again” but “I started three times today on concentrated work”. Sing in your head Doris just keep swimming as “Just keep starting, just keep starting, starting starting starting starting. What do we do? We start!”

    For your book: Daily routines, minimum word counts, separation of beats, first draft and edits. (Have you figured out if you are a pantser or a plotter?)

    And I recommend the broken chain method with a twist on how you look at tasks. . For my life I never saw a reason for making my bed. It may look nicer, but it seems to me it is better to let it air out during the day. For nearly 700 days in a row I have made my bed. Not because I want to – I still find this stupid – but because I do not want to break the chain. ADD has codependencies – in this case you can find that developping a bit of OCD helps. Normal people might get into the habit of doing things after ~60 days, for me it was about 300. Certain tasks – which I forgot before – now get done because of triggers and habbits.

    Point of view: There is a clip from the big bang theory,
    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8ghizM7Dto about 1:30

    ‘tell him it is a non optional social convention” – his reaction describes how we need ‘different’ approaches perfectly.

    Family: very likely there are tendencies there as well but they should have shown by now.
    (I would love it you send me the links of the podcasts you liked and give me feedback in which way you would like to read more about tactics and dealing in everyday life so I know how to write that book some day ;))

    Good luck.

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