{"id":1074,"date":"2010-05-21T19:25:11","date_gmt":"2010-05-22T03:25:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/danklass.com\/pill\/?p=1074"},"modified":"2010-05-21T19:25:11","modified_gmt":"2010-05-22T03:25:11","slug":"209-control-issues-results-may-vary","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/2010\/05\/21\/209-control-issues-results-may-vary\/","title":{"rendered":"#209: Control Issues (results may vary)"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"size-medium wp-image-1073 alignleft\" style=\"margin: 11px;\" title=\"trashcans\" src=\"http:\/\/danklass.com\/pill\/wp-content\/uploads\/2010\/05\/trashcans-300x300.jpg\" alt=\"trashcans\" width=\"216\" height=\"216\" \/><\/p>\n<p>Apparently, I have control issues.\u00a0 For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in fear.\u00a0 Or, at least run away.\u00a0 Instead they need to defy me.\u00a0 They seem to give me the old stink-eye, like a teenager who has just realized you&#8217;re the most stupid person on earth.\u00a0 Amazing.<\/p>\n<p>Aren&#8217;t I a hundred times larger than the little lizard living behind my trash cans?\u00a0 Shouldn&#8217;t he cower in fear?\u00a0 I know if I saw a ten-story bald man coming at me in progressive lenses I&#8217;d run like the wind.\u00a0 What happened to &#8220;fight or flight?&#8221;\u00a0 It&#8217;s now &#8220;flight or be ornery.&#8221;<\/p>\n<p>I helped my neighbor trouble-shoot is malfunctioning cable box.\u00a0 Yes, like I told my wife, I should have just joined the A.V. Club in high school and gotten a jump start on all this tech support jazz.<\/p>\n<p>In two weeks I&#8217;ll find out whether on of my battery of doctors wants to have that thing on my ankle biopsied.\u00a0 I think in two weeks I will be dead from thinking about it for two weeks.\u00a0 I try not to think about it all the time, but I do think about it all the time, even when I&#8217;m supposed to be driving safely.<\/p>\n<p>If I only had three months to live, I wouldn&#8217;t go to Paris, even though I&#8217;d never been.\u00a0 I want to visit everywhere I&#8217;d ever been on more time&#8230;<\/p>\n<p>PREMIUM EDITION: Fifty minutes<br \/>\nFREE EDITION: Twenty-seven, thirty-nine<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Apparently, I have control issues.\u00a0 For instance, when it comes to the wildlife in my backyard, I really need the creatures that I meet out there to run away in [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[3,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1074","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-podcast","category-premium"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1074"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1074\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1074"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1074"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.danklass.com\/pill\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1074"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}